hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
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