The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
