Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Randomize
