Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Shame - the story of my life.
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