Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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