When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
