Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
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