Pappa wants mamma naked
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
