If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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