Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
my sisters under your porch take her home
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Randomize
