The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
