This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
