I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
