I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
