I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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