I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Can you bring me the toilet please
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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