I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I FOUND THE LEGS
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
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