if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
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do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
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I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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