$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
I got inside last night via doggy door
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
