I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Sext me about skeletons
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