my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
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