So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Randomize
