You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
