can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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