I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
