i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
