She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Randomize
