I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Where are you guys?
Drunk
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
