Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Randomize
