I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
