I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Randomize
