I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Randomize
