idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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