Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
