i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
