OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
