just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
