Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Randomize
