Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
