worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Randomize
