i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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