I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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