LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
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