the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
