No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
