so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Randomize
