I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Drunk is not a location!
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
