Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
