I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
