peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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