I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
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