Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
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