Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
