remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
I wish i was in the wii world.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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