google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
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