Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
