why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Randomize
