lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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