yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Randomize
