I could have mohawked her pubes.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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