ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
