We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
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