I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
