I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Randomize
