Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
