Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Randomize
