I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Randomize
