.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
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I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
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Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
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