I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Randomize
