Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
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