If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Randomize
