In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
Randomize
