I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
