I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
